Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Self Diagnosed

Sigmund Freud via neo-neocon
Ever since I was a teen, I have had issues with anxiety.  Usually, the anxiety that I would feel was pretty minimal, with feelings of irritation or impatience.  It is something that I have grown so accustomed to, that I did not even realize that I still have anxiety issues.  According to my husband, Hoss.  He pointedly said, "Evie, yes, you have anxiety all of the time."  His words made me stop and reflect.  I guess I do.

I have been thinking about it a lot in the last month, because my anxiety issues have been heightened since I had Baby K.  My symptoms have been as follows.  Increased heart-rate, irritation/very on edge, with a feeling of 'this is not going right.'  I felt this way when Baby K was one week old.  My incision had split open slightly on the surface.  I had spent all day reading about everything that can happen when your incision splits open.  I was filled in with all of the gory details of reopening incisions and having to live with an open wound for a month or two.  It was silly of me to read such material, but I did.

Then, a few weeks later, we were expecting company.  Hoss's parents came to visit along with mine, in order to participate in Baby K's blessing at church.

Nothing about these visits went how I imagined them.  And as silly as it sounds, it brought on the most intense anxiety that I think I have experienced in ten years.  Let me add that my anxiety attacks are not of the variety that have me breathing from a bag, or having a little break down.  My attacks are more mild with a heart-race increase, irritation (bordering irrational lashing out {sorry Big T and Little H... and Hoss}), and lots of frustration.

**To my Family:  This might explain why I was at all disconnected at any point in time during the visits!**

Recent events have had me thinking about these "attacks" quite a bit.  In order for me to really cope with this problem, I felt I had to get to the root of it all.  So, here is my theory based upon my own research, previous experience with anxiety, and also previous experience with therapy for that previous anxiety.  Ha ha, what a mouthful!

My Theory:

1.  I had been dreading an unplanned c-section from early on in the pregnancy.
2.  The labor began and the outcome was not what I imagined, nor what I had planned.
3.  The experience was a bit traumatic, causing some mild post-traumatic stress.
4.  Postpartum Blues.
= Me having anxiety any time something is not going as I had hoped or planned. 

Just Plain Nuts via neo-neocon
It might sound silly, but to me it makes perfect sense.  Coming to this conclusion (without professional help), I feel like I can talk myself down when I begin to have another anxiety attack.

All in all, I find it mildly humorous.  But at least I have found a coping strategy!

Goals for today:  Begin getting my house back in order by doing the laundry.  Sounds fun right?  We haven't been able to keep up on our laundry due to some plumbing problems that finally got fixed yesterday.

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